R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
