made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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