Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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