Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
