i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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