Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
