do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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