everyone is single if you try hard enough
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
