so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
