After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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