it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
