she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
