Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
