A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
not ubering you a puppy
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
