How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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