I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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