I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
