What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
