his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
