All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
