I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
