i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
