i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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