Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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