Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
