Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
