I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
