..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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