dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
