How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
