before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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