Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
