is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
