So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
