Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
