Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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