I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
This girl is more easily done than said...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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