All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
