thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
