I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
