Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
