My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My bed smells like the plague
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
