He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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