party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
