my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Randomize
