You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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