I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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