I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
