remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
