oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
