In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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