Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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